The moment
by Sairs
Summary: Tara reflects on her life and makes a decision.


_This was my first Bobby and Tara fanfiction and I originally wrote it in 2005._

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Sue Thomas F.._

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><p>The moment<p>

_Can you really identify that moment when you cross the line? Take that step that may alter everything you have cherished. In a way it sort of sneaks up on you, like Tigger sneaking up on Rabbit and it has the same effect, it makes you jump!_

Tara's pen paused; the small piglet dangling from the end of it began to dance, as it waited to be moved again to the rhythm of her writing. She sighed before writing again.

_I've been giving this a lot of thought, in fact it's about all I can think about when I am at work, I find it sneaking up on me. It's beginning to make me worried that they'll know I'm not completely concentrating on the work at hand, that I'm distracted. I'm worried that I'll get caught, turn red and babble incoherently at them, well, babble more incoherently than normal._

I'm hoping that by sitting here and writing it down will help me to understand where everything went wrong, analyse it and find the answer.

Where do I start?

I guess I should start from the beginning.

Well, the moment I walked through the door into the bullpen five years ago, I nearly walked straight out again. I could hear my heart pounding in my chest, my hands were shaking, well I thought they were shaking, I tried to look confident as I followed Ted Garrett into the room.

_"Good morning, everyone," he said, he paused waiting for everyone in the room to stop and look at him. "I'd like to introduce you to the newest member of the team." He turned briefly towards her. "Special Agent Tara Williams, her field of expertise is computer analysis."_

I could feel dozens of eyes looking at me; I knew my cheeks were turning red. I could feel the heat radiating from them. I know I gulped before raising my right hand, waving quickly and uttering, "Hi," which I hoped sounded more confident than I felt.

_I shouldn't have been worried, they all made me feel welcome, Jack was the first one to introduce himself; to me and I just like many women before me and many women after me, I looked into his eyes. Let me just say that my random rambling came to the fore and I eventually shut up. I can't or rather won't remember everything I said, but thank goodness they understood._

I do remember what caused me to stop my ramble, it was a deep laugh that stopped me, and finally caused me to look away from jack's hypnotic gaze and look directly at a brightly coloured neck tie. I then realised I needed to raise my line of sight in order to meet the face of the laugh's owner. It wasn't the eyes that caught my attention this time, but the dimples that accompanied the laugh. His accent distracted me even further, I never expected the Australian lilt and once again I succumbed to rambling, rambling that has tortured me ever since I learned to talk and I know several members of my family have at times wished that was one skill I had never acquired! Even I at times wish I could stop my mouth, but I guess if I can't control it now, I never will.

Then Myles introduced himself with graciousness and the best trained manners I had ever experienced and this time I managed to keep to controlled coherent speech.

That first morning might not have started as well as I had hoped, but what I did find in that room was a family, something that I'm not sure I've ever had. Of course I had a mom and dad, but I never was really very important to them; that's why I became a computer expert. I lost myself in the safety of programs, binary and code. Finally I had power over something in my life, I could control and mould the computer to do things for me that others couldn't fathom or understand. I earned a scholarship to MIT but still I was an outsider. Then after I graduated I was recruited by the F.B.I and spent some time with a computer fraud unit before transferring to Washington D.C. and Jack's team.

The dynamics of the team changed for the better when Sue arrived, Lucy and I had another friend and Sue certainly captured Jack's heart. I've often wondered if Sue and Jack ever contemplated that question. If they ever wondered when the crossed the line from friendship into love.

I know they tortured the rest of us for three long years before finally admitting their feelings for each other. The tension sometimes was unbearable but now I watch them and I know they made the right choice. That for them they needed more than friendship, they needed each other on a deeper level.

But not everyone who takes that step can survive it, they lose everything. Am I prepared to take the risk? Should I take that risk? Am I even sure there's any chance that he could possibly feel the same way about me?

Tara sighed, placing her journal and pen down on her bedside table, grabbing her stuffed WInnie the Pooh and burying her head in her pillow.

Why was her life so difficult?

She placed Winnie back on the bed, stretched her legs and went to the kitchen to fetch a bottle of water. She returned to her bedroom, her eyes briefly distracted by a photograph of everyone taken nearly three years before at Eleanor's Bachelor Auction. In the centre of the picture were Sue and Jack, Lucy stood next to Sue, Myles standing behind her, D and Donna were behind Sue and Jack and next to Donna stood Bobby and in front of him she stood. They all smiled at the camera, enjoying the evening.

They had shared so many experiences together, protected each other. They had been there when her life was under threat, they never gave up on her.

She gently stroked the photograph with her finger, the coldness of the glass jogging her mind and she reached for her journal and pen, new determination flowing through her. She was going to finish this tonight; she needed to find the answer to the questions that wouldn't leave her alone.

_We built a family; we were all there for Jack when he had his heart attack. We supported Bobby when he nearly lost his job; we were there for Myles when he endured his cholesterol diet. Although that family almost shattered when Sue was offered a job in New York, but it was before that things began to change. I didn't notice it at first; it was a gradual change…_

Stanley was someone who understood how my mind worked, well in relation to computers. He understood the security and safety of working with computers and codes; they never wanted anything from you but data. Stanley and I had fun, but I knew we didn't have the spark that I wanted or needed in a relationship. We tried again after Stanley returned from Chicago, for a while it was comfortable, but we both knew we weren't going anywhere and one night we decided to remain friends.

I know that for a few weeks after our break up I wasn't as bubbly as I usually was, but I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. I know they sensed something wasn't quite right, Sue and Lucy tried their best to get me to talk, to share, but I didn't want to, or couldn't because I wasn't quite sure how I felt about everything.

Then Bobby caught me off guard.

We'd often watch football or baseball games together; it had all started soon after I joined the team. I tried to fit in and Jack and Bobby had invited me to join them one weekend, I accepted and it had become a regular team outing. D would often come and bring David, Myles would also put in an appearance occasionally. Although, after Sue joined the team, Jack didn't join us as often as before, choosing to spend time with Sue. D also wanted to spend more time with his family, especially after becoming our acting supervisor. So our weekend spectators' sports team dwindled to two, Bobby and me.

I knew things weren't going well with Darcy, but the Saturday afternoon when he told me she was moving to Los Angeles and she had invited him to go with her rocked me. It made me realise that if he went I would miss him. When I got home that evening, I sat and thought about what he had said. I think I knew then on some level that what I felt for Bobby was maybe more than friendship, but it wasn't then that I thought about crossing that line.

For days I waited for him to make his announcement that he was going to transfer to Los Angeles. He looked troubled and I didn't know how I could help, or even if I could help. So I did what I do best, I threw myself into my work and lost myself in my computer.

I became so engrossed in my work that one night I didn't realise everyone had gone. It wasn't until I noticed how quiet it was that I looked up and saw that everyone's desks were empty.

I began to shut my computer down when his voice made me jump.

"Thought you'd return to the real world, hey?" Bobby asked as he leant against the doorframe.

I turned towards him, "I thought everyone had gone."

"Not everyone."

"No I can now see that not everyone has gone, because you're still here. Not that I knew that when I decided it was time to go home," I paused to catch my breath, "Why are you still here?"

He looked at me and for the first time I really looked at him and noticed the pain etched on his face.

"I didn't really want to go home. I didn't want to be on my own."

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. "Is Darcy not around tonight?" I winced as I noticed him change his stance, his muscles tightening slightly.

"I don't know what Darcy's doing, she's in Los Angeles."

My mind was whirring, I wasn't quite sure what to say next, so I decided to go with my first thought, the thought that had been haunting me since he'd revealed to me about Darcy's plan. "Are you not going to Los Angeles too?"

I think it was at that moment I was wishing with every fibre of my being that his answer was no, because I didn't know if I could handle being alone with him if he said yes.

He walked towards my desk, holding my gaze with his own.

"No. I decided to stay. I wanted to think things through. She's important to me, I think I even love her, but I'm not sure if I can move across the country. I've told her I need time to think about it."

It wasn't the answer I'd completely hoped for, he still might go to Los Angeles but I pushed my feelings aside and put my friend first.

That evening we went out to dinner and I listened to him as he told me his thoughts about his relationship with Darcy.

I felt honoured that he could share that with me.

After that night we fell back into our comfortable friendship. I listened when he needed to talk, just as I knew he'd do the same for me.

It was about a month after Darcy left that there was a moment when we crossed that line. We'd been to a concert, a special gala event. I guess we were caught up in the moment because Bobby kissed me and then he broke my heart. The moment when he kissed me the world around me melted away. I had never experienced anything like it before.

When the kiss ended, he broke my heart by telling me he still loved Darcy.

I couldn't stand in his way, he loved Darcy and he was too important to me for me to hurt him. So I decided to push the feelings that had crept up on me away and try my best to be his friend.

"Will you go to Los Angeles?" I asked quietly as he drove me hoe.

"I honestly don't know, Tara," He replied, the joyful lilt in his voice noticeably absent.

"Whatever you decide, you know we're here for you."

"I know."

We rode the rest of the way home in silence.

That night I cried myself to sleep.

I gave him space, so much space that I did my best not to be alone with him. I found myself making excuses for not going to watch the football with him, not going out to grab dinner after work. I built a huge brick wall that encircled me and protected me.

I know I hurt him, but I couldn't let him hurt me again. I tried to be bubbly, the Tara everyone relied on to have a useless, but interesting fact at hand, but it was hard. I know Sue and Lucy had noticed something was wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to tell them. I couldn't admit to them what I hadn't even properly admitted to myself. I had fallen in love with Bobby and I was never going to have a chance to cross that line with him, because he didn't love me. How did I always manage to make a complete mess of my life?

It's almost been a year since that kiss. Bobby decided to stay in Washington and slowly I let him in again, but only as a friend. I think, well I know I confused him with my defences, but then he wasn't thinking too clearly the months after Darcy left.

Today I really wanted to cross the line, to tell him how I really felt, that I don't want to stay friends, but I want to be more than friends, but I couldn't ruin the remains of our friendship, because it means everything to me. I'm not sure how much longer I can live like this, work with him. I've even started looking at the transfer circulars, but I haven't been able to take that final step of applying.

Today was Sue and Jack's wedding, Bobby was his best man and Lucy and I were Sue's maids of honour. I almost tripped over Sue's wedding train when I saw him stood next to Jack in the church. My heart melted as I took in his appearance, he looked incredibly handsome in his black suit a red rose in his button hole.

His eyes met mine and he smiled, I returned his smile, a tingling sensation travelling up and down his spine.

I watched from the side of the aisle as two of my best friends stood before God, their friends and family and made promises of love. I couldn't help but wish that it was Bobby and I making those promises of love, again another little piece of my heart broke.

The ceremony was beautiful as was the reception afterwards.

I know it was silly but I tried my best to avoid Bobby, mingling with people from work, talking with Jack and Sue's family.

I couldn't say no when Jack asked me to dance, he asked if everything was okay. As team leader and a master of surveillance I guess he knew something wasn't right. Also with a fiancé and now a wife as perceptive as Sue she would have shared her concerns with him.

I reassured him that everything was fine and the last thing he should be doing on his wedding day should be thinking about me.

It was at that moment that I felt him behind me, his eyes gazing at my neck.

"Sparky, would you mind if I cut in?" Bobby asked, "It is the best man's job to dance with the maid of honour."

"Sure, Crash," Jack smiled as he released my hand.

"Thanks, Jack. Now why don't you go and find that cute little wife of yours," he teased.

"Enjoy the dance," Jack replied as he winked at Bobby before heading off towards Sue.

"Tara, dance with me?" he asked quietly his eyes searching mine.

I was trapped, I couldn't flee, so I nodded and I gave him my hand. He gently grasped it and slid his other hand to the small of my back. I placed my free hand on his shoulder and slowly we began to move to the music.

My eyes were still locked with his; the warmth of his hand on my back began to send a myriad of sensations around my body.

"Were you trying to avoid me?" he asked quietly is head slowly dipping towards mine.

I shook my head, "I was just trying to make sure everyone was having a good time."

"Are you having a good time?"

"Yes. It was a wonderful ceremony, they deserve to be happy."

"So do you."

"I am."

"Are you, really?"

I wasn't comfortable with where this conversation was heading.

"Yes I am." I looked aware from the intensity of his gaze.

"Tara?"

I turned my head towards him, a small smile on my lips.

"We need to talk," he stated.

I realised the music had stopped. "Bobby the music's stopped." I tried to pull away from his grasp. "I need to go." I pleaded. I couldn't take being that close to him. "Please."

His face fell, I didn't understand the look of pain he had in his eyes. He let my hand go and released his hand from my back and I scurried away like a frightened rabbit.

I quickly said goodbye to Jack and Sue before coming home.

Tonight I finally made my decision. I am going to apply for a transfer.

Tara glanced at the clock on her bedside table. The red light glowed 3a.m. She'd been writing for over four hours. She gently wiped away the tear that had escaped from her eye and had begun to slide down her cheek.

A sharp knock on the door made her jump. Who would be calling at 3am? She climbed off the bed and reached for her purple dressing gown. She put it on and padded to the door in her matching slippers. As she approached the door the knocking became more urgent.

She stood on tiptoe and peered through the peephole, she gasped as she recognised the person standing on the other side.

She unlocked the door and opened it, standing to one side to let him in.

He strode in and turned to look at her, waiting for her to face him after she had closed the door.

He noticed that she had been crying, her cheeks moist with tear tracks. He stepped towards her, wanting to comfort her, but she shrank away from his touch. "You've been crying," he stated.

She nodded, "I was reading a sappy book."

"Oh," he sounded disappointed.

"Tara, I can't go on like this. We need to talk."

"Talk about what, Bobby?"

"Us."

"There is no us, well there is in the friend kind of way, then there's an us, or the us when we're partnered at work, again then there is an us. But there is not any other context of us that refers to you and me that I can think of."

"Tara!" he exclaimed a small smile playing on his lips. "I love the way your mind works, and the way you can't help rambling when you're nervous, but there is another us, we've been dancing around it for over a year. I was confused that night when we kissed, it did help me realise that I loved Darcy, but it took me a while to realise that it wasn't the love I wanted. You had somehow snuck up on me and crept inside my heart, I've fallen in love with you Tara and I know I've messed things up. You've shown me that all you want is friendship, and I know I've had to earn that friendship, but I don't want to be friends with you anymore…" he paused.

Tara couldn't believe what she was hearing, was he saying that he loved her?  
>Then his final statement hit her, "You don't want to be friends with me anymore?" She asked she could feel the tears pricking at her eyes.<p>

"No," He registered the look of panic crossing her face. "Tara, I want to be more than friends. I love you."

Her mouth opened as her mind registered his announcement. "You love me?"

He nodded, "Do you think you could ever love a drongo like me?" He asked quietly, closing the distance between them.

"You love me?" She repeated, hoping that by repeating the word it would mean she wasn't hallucinating.  
>He decided that he needed to show how much he loved her and the only thing he could think of was to gently lean forward and kiss her.<p>

She watched him close the distance between them, his lips gently meeting hers, she closed her eyes and let the sensations she felt flow through her. She reached her hands towards his shoulders, letting him pull her into his embrace.

When their kiss finally ended she opened her eyes and saw something she'd never seen in his eyes before, it was a glint of emotion that she suddenly realised was reflected in her own. She smiled, "I love you too, Bobby."

At her revelation Bobby's face broke into the biggest smile she had ever seen, "Woohoo!" He placed his arms on her waist and easily lifted her into the air, twirling both of them around.

She giggled, before he silenced her with another sensational, earth shattering kiss.

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><p>Epilogue<p>

One year later.

Tara gently brushed the creases out of the skirt of her dress with her hand as she prepared to walk down the aisle. She smiled at friends and family as she began the journey into the next stage of her life. When her eyes met his as he waited for her to meet him, she knew she had made the best decision of her life. She had agreed to marry him, to spend the rest of her life with Bobby and she knew she would always be loved and together they would make their own family. 

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><p>The End<p> 


End file.
